Why did the chicken cross the road? Pretender
by Haiza Tyri
Summary: The Pretender characters answer the age-old question.
1. Jarod's first joke

Jarod: Which chicken? Which road? Wouldn't it be safer for farmers to keep their chickens in some kind of pen so they don't get run over?

Child telling joke [staring at him]: You've never heard the "Why did the chicken cross the road?" joke before?

Jarod: It's a joke?

Child [slowly, as to an idiot]: Yeeesss. The answer is: "To get to the other side."

Jarod [thinking about it]: Oh. Oh! That's really quite funny! [Laughs]

Child walks away shaking his head.


	2. Sydney answers Jarod

Sydney: I don't know, Jarod. Why do you think it did?

Jarod: I don't know either, Sydney. But I'm going to find out.

Sydney: I hope you do. Do you think it will lead you to your parents?

Jarod: Across the road? [Sighs] I hope so.

Sydney: Which road is it, Jarod?

Jarod: Nice try, Sydney. [Hangs up]


	3. Sydney and young Jarod

Sydney: That is not relevant right now, Jarod. Concentrate on the simulation.

Jarod: But I need to know, Sydney! What if the chicken gets hit by a car before it ever finds out the truth?

Sydney [sighing]: There is no chicken, Jarod. Complete the simulation! [Later, recording notes on DSA] Jarod is becoming more and more stubborn. I am beginning to think we might need to get him some of the answers he seeks. And now he's making me curious. Why _did_ the chicken cross the road?


	4. Miss Parker answers Broots

Miss Parker: Broots, I couldn't care less if the chicken stepped on a landmine on its way across the road!

Broots: But--but--Miss Parker! It's significant! My friend down in Renewal was telling me--

Miss Parker: The one with the crows-feet that are more like dinosaur prints?

Broots: Yeah, him. He said that the chicken was originally from a place in Maryland called Donoterase! And the road leads there directly from the Centre!

Miss Parker: Donoterase? A Centre installation, maybe?

Broots: Could be!

Miss Parker: Get the jet ready.

Broots: To go to Maryland?

Miss Parker: You don't want us to run over the chicken on our way there, do you?


	5. Broots at a T Board

Broots: Well—uh—um—I don't actually know why the chicken crossed the road. I mean, I—I'd totally tell you if I did…or I could just make up an answer…but when you're staring at me like that I—I can't think—and I don't know anything about chickens—at all. I've never even been to a farm—I mean, other than the ones Jarod has sent us to—but there weren't any chickens at those ones. Do you think this has something to do with Jarod? I mean, it doesn't really seem like it's a life-or-death question, you know. You know—I could run a computer program—chickens featured in Jarod's simulations—or—or—maps showing chicken farms near roads. I want to help—I do—I just don't know anything—really. Um—maybe it just wanted to get to the other side? Maybe?


	6. Mr Parker to Miss Parker

_Mr. Parker to Miss Parker_

Angel! I had nothing to do with that! The directive came from the Triumvirate. You know how those crazy Zulus are. [Later, on the phone to Mutumbo] What do you mean, step up the chicken schedule? My daughter is already suspicious! Do you know how many chickens Raines has already gone through for this experiment? No, sir, I'm not questioning your orders. Fine. I'll get my daughter out of the way. [Calls Miss Parker] Angel! There's been a Jarod sighting! In Kentucky. I want you there immediately. [Calls Mr. Raines] Raines, everything's ready. Get those chickens across the road!


	7. Sydney and his psychobabble

_Sydney and his propensity to leap to the worst conclusions about Jarod_

Sydney: Jarod is trying to tell me something here. It's more than a simple question of chickens and roads with him. He's leaving me a breadcrumb.

Broots: Don't you mean chicken feed?

Miss Parker: Shut up, Broots. So what is Colonel Sanders trying to say, Syd?

Sydney: I don't know, but it worries me. Animals crossing roads tend to be run over by vehicles. Is he warning me that he is about to try something dangerous? But he couches it as a question. He is unsure of something, questioning his own reasons…questioning his own existence?

Broots [horrified]: You think he's suicidal?

Sydney: We have to find him, before it's too late.

Miss Parker: Did it ever occur to you, Doctor Worst-Case-Scenario, that the chicken might just have been trying to get away from its psychiatrist?


	8. Mr Lyle ponders chicken

_Mr. Lyle_

Mmmm, Chinese food.


	9. Mr Raines to Sydney

_Mr. Raines_

The chicken is none of your concern, Sydney. This is my project, and I'll deal with the chicken as I see fit. You tell Miss Parker to keep her nose out of it. Remember what happened when her mother started prying into my work? You make sure she stays out of it.


	10. Mr Cox, on chickens

_Mr. Cox_

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road. I am only glad it did. The car that hit it did me a great favor. I've never done taxidermy on a chicken before.


End file.
